Charade
by ejzah
Summary: "Oh no," Kensi says, abandoning her drink and pulling him back with a quick tug of his elbow. "You already started it, I'm not about to let you walk away with the last word." Kensi and Deeks undercover, once again set sometime after "Till Death do us Part".
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I seem to enjoy putting Kensi and Deeks in uncomfortable situations.

* * *

Charade

"How long do we have stay here?" Deeks asks. Kensi sighs and ignores him, gesturing to the bartender for another drink. He taps her shoulder roughly, his expression annoyed when she finally turns to face him. "Hey, I asked you a question."

"Alex, we've only been her for like half an hour, can you please just stop for once?" she replies with an exhausted expression. She shifts the edge of her strappy black dress, revealing a hint more cleavage. Across from her the bartender, an attractive guy with dark hair, smiles and winks at her. Deeks visibly bristles beside her and scowls in the bartender's direction.

"Well some of us worked hard all day and have to be at work again early tomorrow morning too." His tone is annoyingly belittlingly and she snaps.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she demands.

"Forget I said anything."

"No. You think I don't work as hard as you do, don't you?" Deeks glances around them, at the small group of people dancing in the middle of the room, the few bystanders who undoubtedly have noticed them by now, and the bartender who is clearly pretending not to be watching.

"Let's not start a scene, Carrie," he suggests mildly. He starts to walk away from her.

"Oh no," Kensi says, abandoning her drink and pulling him back with a quick tug of his elbow. "You already started it, I'm not about to let you walk away with the last word."

"Fine. Maybe I'm just getting tired of working every day so you can go out and flirt with every guy who buys you a drink," he replies in a rush of words that hold so much dammed up rage that Kensi nearly believes him for a second. She pulls herself together quickly though.

"How dare you!" she whispers, taking a step back that makes her wobble on her ridiculously high stilettos. Deeks reaches out instinctively and she hold her hands our defensively, aware of the dozen or so pairs of eyes avidly watching the spectacle. "How dare you imply that I've been unfaithful."

"What else am I supposed to think? You're never home anymore," Deeks shoots back, no longer trying to keep his voice lowered.

"That is not fair. I supported you through college and when you started your practice. I was there for you all those years and you never once thanked me or asked if there was anything I wanted to do with my life. Now, I try to enjoy myself and suddenly I'm a whore," she says viciously, gaining momentum and desperately trying to hang onto the manufactured anger.

"I never called you–"

"You know, I used to think that you were different, but you're not. You're just like your father. You always have been." Deeks' face flushes with sudden anger and for a moment she shies back without thinking as he grabs her arms, yanking her close to his body.

"Shut up!" he orders in a dangerous voice. Behind them, she sees the slight movement of the bartender behind the bar and it centers her again.

"Alex, you're hurting me," she whispers. His mouth pops open slightly and then he drops her arm as though it burned him. Glancing away with an expression of growing regret, he starts to say something, reaching out again hesitantly, but she interrupts once again. "I wish I never married you," she hisses.

Deeks' expression falls and his extended hand drops down to his side.

"Is everything ok?" the bartender asks, appearing beside Kensi with a protective edge to his tone. He eyes Deeks distastefully and draws a little closer to Kensi.

"Yeah, we're fine," she answers after a moment, rubbing her arm absentmindedly. "He'll pay the tab." Then she's walking away, mechanically opening the door and stepping out into the chilly air. She isn't entirely sure how she manages to make it across the uneven parking lot without twisting her ankle, but next thing she's sitting in Carrie's car.

Her hands trembling, she yanks the fake engagement and wedding rings off her finger and tosses them into the console. They clatter faintly and she pulls in a deep breath then wipes her fingers under her eyes. Kensi takes another moment to compose herself and then asks in voice that is amazingly steady,

"You think that was enough?" There's a brief silence, followed by a crackle and then Sam's reassuringly calm voice fills her ears.

"Oh yeah, Deeks is still at the bar and our guy hasn't taken his eyes off him. Keeps glaring at him like he ran over his dog."

"Good," she says shortly and means it. She would hate for all this to be for nothing. She's also desperately grateful Hetty had insisted on Deeks wearing a button camera. Her would-be protector was suspected of killing 10 men already, including two veterans. There's no way she was about to leave Deeks alone with the bartender without him wearing the camera, a comm, and a tracker.

"Are you ok?" Callen asks and she has to wait a good ten seconds before she can answer truthfully.

"Yeah. Just make sure you keep an eye on Deeks. We know this guy likes to strike unexpectedly."

"Don't worry, Kensi, we won't let him out of our sight. And he's definitely not touching a single strand of Shaggy's hair," Sam replies.

"Ok," she whispers and her voice shakes slightly. Her part of the job is done for now. They sold their covers and now it's up to Deeks to draw their suspect out. If everything goes as planned, it should be over in less than a day, maybe even a few hours.

It should be reassuring, but her thoughts keep returning to the purposely cutting words they'd thrown at each other. She keeps thinking of the way Deeks looked when he grabbed her, the unfettered rage and violence on his face…her involuntary response to it.

Kensi knows none of it was real, but she feels a desperate, immediate need to hold Deeks, even for just a moment. Instead, she starts the car and pulls out of the parking lot.

"I'll be a few blocks away," she reminds Sam and Callen. "Keep me updated on anything that happens."

* * *

A/N: Yay, more angst. And now it looks like I need to write another chapter.

And yes, I used Kensi and Deeks' names instead of their covers throughout most of this story on purpose. They may be just a little too close to this one.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks to everyone who read the first chapter of this story and for all your lovely comments. I appreciate all the supportive comments and questions about updates as well as your patience.

I also want to thank mashmaiden over on Tumblr for helping me with this chapter. I'm sure I would never have finished this without your suggestions and edits.

Finally, I made a couple small edits to the end of the first chapter for continuity purposes.

* * *

10 Hours Earlier

"Ok, so based on the information we received from LAPD we know that each of the victims was involved in a verbal altercation that turned physical, to some extent, with their significant others. Per the witness statements, these altercations occurred at The Twisted Fork Bar and Grill," Nell paused in her summation to glance around OPS.

The team was spread throughout the room, reading through the files she had handed out earlier. When no one said anything, Hetty motioned for her to continue.

"In seven of the ten incidents, Riley Paulson," she tossed up a picture of a man with dark brown hair and a well-groomed goatee before continuing. "who currently bartends most nights at the Twisted Fork, was described as interceding. Some of the women indicated that he actually stepped in and broke up the fight. In other cases, he merely stood nearby and that was enough to stop things from progressing."

Sam frowned down at one of the documents in his file and asked, "What do else we have on Paulson?"

"Riley Paulson is 34, single, and lives alone in a one-bedroom apartment. He's lived in Los Angeles for 12 years. Currently, he bartends at the Twisted Fork six nights a week. He also teaches self-defense classes on the weekends. Other than work, he seems to keep to himself for the most part. He has a few close friends but he doesn't have much contact with them and he doesn't use social media. Definitely a loner," Nell rattled off, her expression apologetic.

"Is this the only evidence LAPD has?" Deeks asked, tapping the file laid out between him and Kensi. The lack of physical evidence, or any evidence really besides a few witness statements, concerned him.

Tapping at his own tablet, Eric answered, "Unfortunately, yes. I searched his internet history, emails, calls and texts. There was nothing incriminating. Still no idea how he might be getting the drugs we found in the victims' systems, how he lures them from the bar in the first place, or where he transports them to do the actual killing before he disposes of the bodies."

"Do you think the detectives on this case are holding out on us, Eric?" Deeks followed up. LAPD had agreed to a joint case, given that two of the victims were veterans, but so far they hadn't been overly welcoming. As happened many times when NCIS swooped in, the police didn't appreciate their hard work being confiscated by a federal agency. Eric shook his head and replaced Riley Paulson's picture with a series of documents.

"I don't think so. From the ME and the crime scene reports, none of the DNA or fingerprints they found match anyone in the system."

"After the women left the bar, we don't have a lot of information. Several of the women admit they were pretty angry and didn't worry about their husband or boyfriend until several hours to a couple days later," Nell explained as Hetty raised a finger and spoke up, her lips pursed.

"And LAPD is hesitant to question anyone at the Twisted Fork lest it spook Mr. Paulson. Especially with the increase in killings, they do not want to risk losing him. They have requested that we do not question any of the bar's patrons or anyone in Paulson's life."

"Ok, then what do they want us to do?" Callen asked, sounding frustrated and eager to get to the point. "They know there's a possibility we could take over the case if necessary."

"That is true. But I don't think there's any reason to antagonize LAPD at this point." There was a quiet satisfaction in Hetty's voice that instantly set off warning bells in Deeks' head.

"And why is that?" Kensi asked, sharing a quick look with Deeks. Apparently she'd picked up on the same thing he had.

"Because you and Deeks have been approved to go undercover at the bar as Alex and Carrie Martin. LAPD really couldn't refuse when I generously suggested you two for the job," Hetty admitted with a smirk. "You two will have a few hours to prepare while Eric and Nell backstop your covers. Sam and Callen will provide backup if necessary."

"So you want us to go in as a fighting couple," Kensi surmised. She caught Deeks' eyes again and he shrugged. It wasn't like they had much choice.

"Precisely. Your goal is to cause enough of a ruckus to attract Riley Paulson's attention and then convince him that Mr. Deeks deserves to be his next victim." Hetty finished her summation and calmly folded her hands in front of her.

"That's not much time to prepare."

"I realize that, Kensi, but we need to determine whether or not Paulson is the killer. If we wait too long, we might have another body on our hands." Deeks squeezed Kensi's arm and gestured with his head at the doors.

"C'mon Kens, we have an argument to plan," he said, already disliking the idea.

"We'll be down in a few minutes to watch," Callen called after them.

* * *

Deeks watches Kensi leave the bar, fighting the urge to follow her. They'd had this moment planned out to a certain extent, but it still goes against instinct not to try and fix this immediately. It doesn't help that both he and Kensi had gone slightly (ok, completely) off script by the end of their little display.

He's pretty sure he'd actually hurt Kensi a little and while he knows she'll brush it off as necessary in the end, it doesn't mean he likes it. The jab at being like his father had also struck a little too close to home, as effective as it was. Sometimes they're way too good at their jobs and he honestly hates it. They definitely need to talk after this one and he's not looking forward to it.

Acutely aware of Riley Paulson still lingering nearby, Deeks stalks back to his barstool. No one has claimed it in his absence and he notices that a few more people have left the area while others are muttering to each other as they openly glare at him. Nothing like a relationship ending fight to make a crowd gather.

By the time Deeks slams back the rest of his drink, Paulson is back behind the bar and filling the drink orders that have piled up in the last few minutes. Under the cover of gesturing for another drink, Deeks takes a moment to observe the man they suspect has murdered 10 men.

Paulson is tall and muscular, no doubt thanks to the self-defense classes he teaches. His dark brown hair is pulled back in a short ponytail, and he's sporting a full beard now, but otherwise he's relatively unremarkable looking.

When Riley heads in his direction, Deeks doesn't drop his gaze, instead staring back unflinchingly. Deeks notes, with a small amount of satisfaction, that Paulson is openly glaring at him as he hands over a fresh glass of bourbon.

"You might want to take it easy on the booze," Callen suggests a few minutes, and a third drink later. "We don't know how long you'll be here." Deeks rolls his eyes and then under the cover of his hand mutters,

"It's gonna look suspicious if I just sit here and don't drink. Besides, I just had a fight with my wife, I think I'm entitled."

"Funny. Remember this guy is dangerous," Sam adds in that familiar, slightly annoying, older brother tone of his.

"Yes, dad."

He spends the next half hour sipping at his drink and casually observing the other patrons. Most of the spectators seem to have lost interest in him and though Paulson continues to shoot daggers his way at every opportunity, he doesn't seem ready to make a move. Deeks is contemplating making a few choice comments about his wife the next time Riley passes his way when the stool to his right shifts and a slightly throaty voice says,

"Well, you don't seem to be having the best night." Deeks looks over slowly, letting his gaze travel over the blonde woman now sitting next to him. She's dressed in a skin tight, electric blue dress that ends mid-thigh, (he's honestly a little astonished that she can actually sit down) revealing a pair of long legs that gleam faintly in the artificial lighting. Her breasts swell over the edges of the deeply cut V-neck top. When he finally meets her eyes, she's smirking at him, head casually resting on one palm.

"Can I help you?" he drawls, his tone not exactly inviting. She narrows her eyes; apparently that wasn't the response she was expecting. Giving him a flirty smile, she tosses her long mane of curls over a bare shoulder. It's completely possible that she's just a random woman looking to hook up, but something about her is setting off warning bells in his head. He doesn't want to appear too eager though so he continues to stare at her.

"That depends, are you going after her?" She nods towards the door to make her point clear. Deeks fiddles with his glass, buying a minute as he thinks things through. The timing is almost too perfect to not be some kind of setup, but he also doesn't want to risk ruining the op with a bad hunch.

"I've been thinking about it," he admits, allowing the barest hint of regret to come through. Sam's voice, overly loud and disruptive fills his ear suddenly.

"This is not part of the plan, Deeks. What are you doing?" he demands while the woman next to him leans closer, until her lips are just a few millimeters from his ear.

"Well, if you want my opinion, she doesn't look worth it," she whispers. "Any woman who would treat you the way she did, doesn't deserve you." Hesitating a moment, Deeks turns his entire body to face her, invading the tiny space between them. She doesn't flinch or show any indication that she's intimidated by him.

"So tell me, what exactly do you think I deserve?" She laughs at his question, tossing her head back so her curls and the long hoop earrings she wears sway back and forth enticingly.

"Oh, I think I'm going to need a name, and a drink first," she says teasingly.

"Alex." He offers, letting his gaze play over her again and linger on the swell of her breasts straining against blue fabric. He's definitely not imagining it when she pulls her shoulders back, thrusting her chest forward. Ok, then.

"Oh, she's definitely playing you," Sam mutters under his breath. Apparently he'd stopped worrying that Deeks was ruining the op and is now enjoying the show.

"Hi Alex, I'm Madison," she returns with another playful smile. "And I'd like a martini with two olives." Paulson is all the way at the other end of the bar, giving him the perfect chance to check in with Callen and Sam. He winks at Madison and says,

"I'll be right back. And then maybe you can tell me just what I deserve."

"You got a name for me?" he whispers once he's several feet away.

"Eric's trying to get a match from the video feed. We'll let you know if he finds anything. Until then, keep her talking. It can't hurt anything," Callen answers. "And if nothing else, Riley Paulson will think you're an even bigger creep than he did before."

"You guys really know how to make me feel loved."

Deeks orders the martini and a beer for himself, not trusting Madison not to drug him here and now and knowing he need to pace himself.

"So it doesn't bother you that I'm married and just had a giant fight with my wife?" he asks once he's seated again. He leans in, keeping his voice low and playful, following her lead. Madison shrugs and reaches out to straighten his collar, her fingers tips lingering briefly on his skin. It sends a not altogether unpleasant shiver up his spine that he refuses to examine.

Her eyes glint as she trails her hand down his arm and then comes to a stop on his upper thigh. It's a bold move that leaves little doubt to her intentions.

"It's never held me back before." Her voice is flippant and she gives him a considering look. How long were you married? You don't seem like a guy who's just tied the knot."

"Four years." He fingers his wedding ring for a second, seemingly conflicted and then adds, "but sometimes it felt like a freaking century." A look of disgust mixed with rage passes across her face for a split second, and if Deeks wasn't intentionally goading her, he probably wouldn't have noticed. In the next instance she's the sultry temptress again and he wonders if it's enough. And what her plan is if it is.

"Sounds rough," she says sympathetically, reaching out to accept the martini Riley Paulson slides her way. She gives him an almost imperceptible nod. "So, tell me a little bit about yourself, Alex," she prompts. As he watches, she plucks one of the olives from her drink and seductively bites it in half at the same time as she shifts her legs, raising the dress a few inches higher.

Pushing away a wave of guilt, Deeks allows himself to focus on the swell of her breasts again and long lines of her tanned legs. Unbidden, the thought of Kensi hearing, or even worse, seeing this, nearly trips him up.

Forcing himself back into the mind of Alex, he grabs Madison's hand, using a lot more force than is strictly necessary. Her eyes widen for a second with something that isn't fear, but perhaps surprise before she schools her expression again.

"Why's it matter?" he asks carelessly, sounding remarkably arrogant. "It's not like I'll see you after tonight. I mean it's why you came over here, right? For a little no strings attached sex."

"Wow, and here I thought I would have to persuade you. I'm glad I was wrong." Madison drops the rest of the olive back in the martini glass, drying her fingertips on a cocktail napkin. "My house is about fifteen minutes away. You pay the tab and I'll be outside," she says as she stands and wriggles her dress back down.

Then, surprising Deeks completely, she grabs him by the chin, nails biting into the tender skin, and kisses him hard. When she pulls back his lips are stinging from being forced against his teeth and there's a dangerous glint in her eyes. He tastes a faint hint metallic in his mouth.

"I like to play rough too." Another shiver runs up his spine and it takes all Deeks' effort to mask it as barely concealed lust. Even when she starts walking toward the exit, her hips swaying with every step, he's careful not to let his guard down.

Once Madison is out the door, he asks for both their tabs and then demands in a hissed whisper,

"Who the hell is this woman? Please tell me that she's involved with Paulson and that I didn't just plan a kinky hook up for no reason."

"Deeks, her name is really Aubrey Crews and she used to attend one of Paulson's self-defense classes. Eric and Nell are still digging through phone records," Callen explains. "For now go home with her and we'll let you know if anything changes."

"Roger that," Deeks murmurs. Even though he'd been pretty certain that Madison, now Aubrey, was in league with Paulson, he'd hoped that he wouldn't have to go through with this. Seduction was not part of the plan and he feels distinctly unprepared.

After he pays the tab, Deeks makes a quick detour and grabs his beer which is still sitting unopened on the bar. He cracks it open and downs half the bottle in a single gulp. Pulling in a couple shallow breaths, he heads towards the exit to meet Aubrey Crews.

* * *

"What the hell is going on?" Kensi demands without further preamble as she jerks open the back door of the surveillance van, climbs in and stands in front of Sam and Callen, her hands angrily placed on her hips. "This was not part of the plan." At first Kensi had been stunned when Deeks had started talking with Madison, and then increasingly furious as Callen and Sam coached him to play along. She'd raced back to the surveillance van at record speed, needing to be closer to Deeks, even if there was nothing she could do at the moment.

"Kensi, maybe we should discuss this later," Callen says pointedly, tapping his left ear. She rolls her eyes and opens one clenched fist to reveal both of her coms in the middle of her palm.

"Aubrey Crews is obviously working with Paulson and it's highly likely that she's the one drugging the men. If we can get a sample or any other evidence, then we have leverage." Sam explains. Kensi takes a deep and tries to control her anger, fueled by fear and worry. Speaking through gritted teeth she says,

"I realize that. But we know next to nothing about this woman and you just let Deeks leave with her without any sort of backup." Her voice shakes slightly with suppressed emotions. Sam lifts his hand in a soothing gesture that does absolutely nothing to calm Kensi's nerves.

"Don't worry, we'll give them a few minutes lead so Aubrey Crews doesn't get suspicious and then use the tracker to follow them."

"And what if something happens to the tracker? Deeks can't just shout out his location to us and we all know the video feed is pretty crappy from long-distance," she counters, not willing to be pacified so easily. Her partner and husband is out there somewhere with a possibly murderous woman.

"Kensi, we know Deeks is an excellent operator," Callen says and Kensi has a brief urge to strangle him. She doesn't need to be told how good Deeks is, that's not what she's upset about. She's more concerned about the unknown factor that is Aubrey Crews.

"Would you be this calm if Sam was in Deeks' place?"

"That's not the same-wait, they're talking again." Sam interrupts himself and Kensi hastily slides her coms back in. Deeks is in the middle of saying,

"-like it rough?" In a way he sounds just like the Deeks she knows and loves and at the same time he sounds completely different. There's a hard, careless edge to his voice that she doesn't like.

"Mm, you'll find out soon enough," Aubrey coos and Kensi shakes her head in disgust. The video feed isn't much use in the darkness of her vehicle, which Kensi's just fine with right now. Eric sounds distinctly uncomfortable when he interrupts with,

"Guys, they're about five minutes away from her apartment."

"Thanks, Eric," Callen says and starts securing any loose equipment while Sam takes the driver's seat. Kensi straps herself in, silently reminding herself that Deeks is an expert undercover. He's been in tight spots before that were definitely more dangerous than this one.

"He'll be fine," she whispers to herself. Somehow she doesn't find her own words reassuring.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hey, I'm finally back! I apologize for the long wait for this chapter, this fall and winter has been a very busy one for me. Thanks to everyone who has commented and shown interest in this story, including my guest reviewers.

Shout out to mashmaiden/Phnxgirl for helping me with whip this chapter into shape. I would never have finished it without her.

* * *

Deeks follows Aubrey Crews into her apartment, mentally preparing himself for what's going to happen once they get on the other side of the door. He'd continued to make outrageously suggestive comments throughout the ride over, throwing in a subtle dig at 'Carrie' every so often.

It might be overkill at this point, but he wants to make sure he never has to do anything like this again and the sooner Aubrey incriminates herself, the better. Already he feels gross and his skin won't quit crawling; he can't wait to get back to the mission and take a shower.

Aubrey's heels make a sharp clicking sound as she walks across the hardwood floors of her apartment, flipping on two lights along the way. Despite himself, Deeks finds himself lingering by the door, reluctant to venture any further. Aubrey grabs his hand, making the decision for him, and tugs him towards the black couch that dominates much of the living room.

She playfully shoves him down, not enough to actually move him but he follows along and sits. Placing a hand on her cocked hip, Aubrey tosses her hair over her shoulder again and says,

"Let me put on something that doesn't cut off my circulation." She starts to head for what Deeks assumes is a bedroom, and where she likely has some kind of weapon stashed. He's not armed and no amount of self-defense will protect him from a bullet. With a quick breath to steady himself, he grabs her hips, jerking her towards him.

"Don't bother, you're not going to be wearing that for much longer," he growls. He yanks her head down to his and kisses her hard. The angle has to be uncomfortable, but Aubrey doesn't complain. She kisses him back, forcing her tongue past his lips. The sting of the cut on his inner lip reminds him of her earlier words: she likes to play rough.

Aubrey straddles his legs, lowering herself onto his lap. Her dress rises to the very top of her thighs, revealing more gleaming skin. His eyes drop down for a second and then back up. Aubrey hold his gaze and slowly rubs her hands over his inner thighs. He feels the warmth of her body straight through his pants and it's somehow both horribly alien and familiar at the same time.

Her hands fist in his hair, long nails scraping against his scalp as she writhes on his lap. She finally pulls back from the kiss and slides her hands down his neck, pausing at the collar of his shirt. She pulls it away from his neck slowly and then eases the first button free. Deeks instantly feels 10 times more vulnerable as she systematically unbuttons his shirt, exposing his chest.

"Mm, you're pretty ripped for a lawyer," she comments, staring down at his torso with a thoughtful expression. A nail trails across his abs and he wonders if she's imagining what he'll look like covered in bruises. The thought sends another shiver down his back.

He shrugs carelessly and says,

"Keeps the ladies at the office happy. If I smile just right, they'll give me just about anything."

"Geez Deeks, take it easy. She already hates you. You say much more and she's going to slit your throat right where you sit," Callen mutters.

Aubrey smirks at him and scrapes all five nails over his skin, leaving red marks in their wake. She shifts over him again and Deeks feels himself reacting to her. Her leg brushes over the beginning of his erection and he freezes, hands clamping more firmly over his hips. Somehow he can't make himself move.

"You're not getting cold feet, are you?" she asks softly. Some of the flirtatiousness has left her voice, setting off warning bells in Deeks' head. Her eyes narrow in a calculating expression as she looks at him from beneath her lowered lashes. Damn, she's suspicious.

There's a beat of silence that seems to last for an eternity and then suddenly he hears Kensi's voice in his ear.

"Do what you need to, Deeks." Her voice is somehow calming and commanding at the same time. It's enough to set him back in motion.

* * *

Kensi sighs and removes her comm again, tossing it onto the counter. She'd meant what she said to Deeks, but it didn't mean she liked the thought of him seducing another woman. It was necessary though and if it ended this case and kept him safe she'd accept it.

"Do you think that was really necessary," Sam asks quietly. His voice is judgment free, more curious than anything, but she answers defensively.

"I didn't think it would hurt."

"Well, at least he's responding again," Callen says, his tone sardonic, reminding Kensi that none of them are exactly enjoying this. "Wish he hadn't let her take his shirt off though. The video feed would have been helpful." Sam makes an exasperated sounds and says,

"He's supposed to be seducing her, G. You expect him to keep his shirt on the whole time?"

"You two are not helping," Kensi mutters as the sound of kissing and what she assumes are more clothes coming off, fills the small space again.

"Uh guys, is this a good time for an update?" Eric asks cautiously. Kensi rolls her eyes; she's just about had it with everyone walking on tiptoe around her.

"What did you find?" she says by way of answer, her voice firm and all business.

"Ok, so we've been digging a little further into Aubrey's past and found out she was in regular contact with Riley Paulson starting in 2017. They texted quite a bit and were even friends on Facebook for a while."

"And?"

"It all stopped about six months ago. We tracked down a text from Riley a few days before they stopped talking and it's a doozey," he continues.

"Lots of ranting, lots of anger," Nell offers.

"Apparently he had to break up a fight between a couple. From the sound of it he really wanted to punch the guy's lights out. They had this huge argument after that text which seemed a little over the top in my opinion. In the last text she sent, Aubrey told Riley she never wanted to hear from him again."

"Hm, so no concrete evidence that she's working with Riley," Sam says, sounding disappointed.

"No, not on that front. But, around the same time that Aubrey supposedly cut contact with Riley Paulson, she also purchased two pay-as-you-go phones. And since then she's either called or received calls on one of those phones 98 times in the last six months."

"Good work."

"Oh there's more, both of those phones pinged cell towers near the same parking garage multiple times. We're currently scanning cameras in the area for facial recognition," Nell continues.

"Well, that's a step in the right direction," Callen says with satisfaction.

"Let's make sure that Aubrey isn't just having some kind of illicit relationship she wants to hide," Sam tells them, adding, "It would just be our luck that she's totally unconnected to the case."

"I'm sorry we missed it the first time around. It might have helped Deeks and Kensi if they knew to look out for her," Eric says, dismissing any praise, and Kensi can hear the self-flagellation in his tone. Even though he can't see it, she shakes her head and says,

"Don't be. You and Nell were busy backstopping us and working with LAPD. You didn't have enough time to research every one Riley's had contact with in the last six months." Eric doesn't say anything else but she hopes he doesn't continue to feel guilty about this. She has a feeling that they'll be more than enough guilt to go around by the time they're done here.

As Callen and Sam finish up with Eric, Kensi comes to stand in front of the monitor with its dark, slightly fuzzy feed. She senses Sam's eyes on her, but doesn't say anything; it's obvious what he's thinking and she doesn't need a lecture.

"I took a calculated risk. I know Deeks better than anyone and I knew what he needed in that moment," she says flatly, finally turning to face Sam. He raises his hands as though she'd acted defensively in some way.

"I'm glad it worked. But it might have been nice to know what you were planning. What if Deeks hadn't reacted the way he did? Talking to him could have thrown him off completely." Kensi rolls her eyes and starts to retort angrily, bites it back and starts over again.

"You made a judgment call when you told Deeks to go with Aubrey. I made one just now. Earlier you said that Deeks has the experience to handle this, show me that you really mean it. He got tripped up for a second, I gave him a push, and now he's back on track." Kensi says quickly, surprising herself at the sudden flow of words. Sam looks surprised for a moment too and then turns to Callen with a raised brow; Callen just shakes his head, busy listening to the audio from Deeks' mic.

"We can talk about this later. I think she's starting to lose patience with 'Alex'." Proving his point, he turns up the volume and gestures for Kensi and Sam to come over.

Kensi closes her eyes and concentrates on the sounds; there's a lot of breathing and unidentifiable but generally disgusting sounding noises. She blocks them out, tensing when there's a feminine sigh followed by Aubrey saying,

"Oh, I was right. Carrie was a lucky girl." Deeks makes a choked noise, one Kensi's almost certain she's never heard before. "What?" Aubrey asks.

On the surface her voice is light and sensuous, but underneath Kensi hears a shortness to her tone. There's another smacking sound and Deeks mutters,

"Nothing. You got a condom? Cause I don't want any interruptions."

"Mm, I like a man who thinks ahead," she purrs and Kensi shivers. After a minute of silence, Kensi assumes that Aubrey has left the room; all she can hear are Deeks' deep, slow breaths.

* * *

Deeks hold completely still as Aubrey pulls her hands from his boxers, sliding her fingers back up his chest before she stands.

"I'll be right back," she promises and Deeks watches her slink out of the room and into the kitchen. She's down to a completely useless looking strapless bra, black lace underwear that leaves very little to the imagination and the stilettos.

Deeks shivers, glancing down at himself. His pants are spread wide and the remnants of his erection is just visible through his boxers. He feels vulnerable and wishes he could button his pants, but that would definitely look suspicious. Although he's glad for the chance to breathe, he's not sure what he's going to do when Aubrey comes back.

Other than Kensi's unexpected encouragement, comms have been silent for the last several minutes. He still has no idea what Aubrey's final game plan is, but it's becoming increasingly clear that she's ready to sleep with him if necessary. Drawing in another deep breath, he says a silent apology to Kensi.

He hears the faint sound of approaching footsteps and angles himself so he has a clear view of the kitchen, prepared to duck behind the couch if necessary. For all he knows, Aubrey could appear with a gun and try to blow his brains out. It would be messy and definitely not in keeping with the previous killings, but he's not about to underestimate her.

When she appears in the doorway a few seconds later, she's carrying a rocks glass filled a third of the way with amber liquid and a foil packet in the other. Deeks notices that she's ditched the shoes which leaves her a few inches shorter. Walking on the balls of her feet, she stops in front of him, pauses for a few seconds and then tips her head back, draining the glass. She sets it down with a faint clink and tosses the wrapped condom next to it, then eases a knee either side of his thighs so she's straddling him once more.

"Are you ready to have your world rocked, Alex?" she asks softly, winding her arms around his neck. She kisses him again without waiting for a response. Deeks lets one hand fall to her bare hip; it's round and firm as he squeezes it.

Aubrey groans low in the back of her throat, an animalistic noise that raises the hair on the back of his neck, and suddenly she's attacking his mouth with renewed ferocity. Her hands fist in the back of his hair and then trail down his neck. The cut on his inner lip stings with the force and when Aubrey pulls back her mouth is smeared with his blood.

"Too rough for you?" she asks tauntingly.

"I told you before," he says, grabbing her hips harder than necessary, pressing her down on his thigh. "there's no such thing as too rough for me." Despite himself, he feels a small amount of satisfaction when she instinctively resists him. She recovers herself quickly and yanks his head back so his neck exposed; her grip is surprisingly strong.

Baring her teeth in more of a grimace than a smile, she latches her mouth onto his pulse. As her teeth sink into his skin, he feels a sharp sensation on the other side of his neck. Instinctually, he shoves Aubrey off his lap as he yanks her hand away from his neck.

She lets out a purely animalistic noise and lashes out, pushing him down on the floor. His head makes contact with the hard surface, nocking his comm free in the process. Deeks gets a brief glance of a syringe in her hand before he flips her onto her back with a quick twist of his body. In the process, she loses her grip on the syringe and it rolls across the room. Deeks starts to pin her arm behind her back but she wriggles away before he has a firm hold, landing a firm kick to his ribs. It's enough to wind him, and in that time she drops beside the couch and yanks out a small but lethal looking knife from beneath the cushion.

"You've got to be kidding me," he mutters. Fighting a woman has never sat well with him, but right now he doesn't exactly have a choice. Cautiously, he rolls to his feet and stands, never taking his eyes off the woman now glaring at him with intense hatred.

Just based on her grip, he can tell it's not the first time she's held a knife. Apparently Riley Paulson hadn't skimped in the self-defense department. Fantastic.

Aubrey lunges at him, slashing at him with a quick, sure move that is smooth and practiced. He evades it easily, but is fast enough the second time and feels the blade bite into his forearm. Aubrey senses his reluctance to fight her and attacks him ruthlessly.

"Aubrey, I'm a Detective with the LAPD," he says quickly, as he continues to evade her knife and she chuckles harshly.

"I'm sure you are. Just like the last guy was a millionaire and the one before him was going to take me on a trip to Rome. Believe me, I've heard it all and you," she pauses to give him a disgusted once over, "are nothing special."

"I'm not lying. Right now there are officers waiting outside this building to take you into custody." He hopes it's true because stalling clearly isn't going to work much longer.

Her eyes flick towards the door and he takes advantage of her momentary distraction. He tackles her to the ground again, putting his full weight into it. Her hand is still firmly clenched around the knife so he grabs her arm and slams her fist into the floor until she loses her grip. The whole time she bucks against him, kicking at his legs and trying to jab her knee into his ribs. She tries to slam her head into his nose which pisses him off for some reason. He flips her onto her stomach with more force than he'd used previously and pins her arms behind her back. For good measure, he presses his knee into the middle of her back.

Before he can say anything, the door crashes open and Sam bursts through, closely followed by Callen and Kensi.

"NCIS!" Callen shouts, directing his weapon in Aubrey's direction. It's a little bit overkill at this point, but finally Aubrey stills completely beneath him.

"Deeks, you ok?" Sam asks, still on guard but apparently realizing that Deeks isn't in immediate danger anymore. Callen automatically heads to search the rest of the apartment, his gun still drawn.

"Oh, I'm just perfect," he answers, breathing heavily as he maintains his hold on Aubrey. His gaze flicks to Kensi and he sees her taking in his bare chest, open pants and Aubrey's lack of clothing. He can only imagine what it looks like.

"Deeks, you're bleeding," Kensi says, her tone concerned and he glances down at his arm.

"It's not deep," he tells her, not caring that it isn't the truth.

"I wish I'd killed you," Aubrey hisses suddenly, arching beneath him. Kensi's eyes narrow, her concern turning to anger.

"Here, I'll take care of her," she says tightly, pulling out her handcuffs. Deeks gladly transfers Aubrey into Kensi's care. He notices that Kensi isn't particularly careful as she cuffs Aubrey and yanks her to her feet. "You try anything and you'll regret it." Even Deeks is a little intimidated by her tone.

As Kensi escorts her from the apartment, Deeks takes advantage of their absence to hastily fix his pants and throw his shirt back on. For some reason it feels weirdly, unpleasantly so, intimate. He's straightening his hair as best he can when Callen and Sam come back in the room.

Callen has a clear plastic bag of pills in one gloved hand and another containing several needles in the other. He looks around the room, eyeing the condom and discarded clothing before he turns back to Deeks.

"These were on the bed, guess she didn't have time to put them away," he says with a quirk of his eyebrows. "You're lucky."

"That's debatable," Deeks mutters under his breath, glancing around at the destruction.

"Hey," Sam says, touching his shoulder to get his attention. "Kensi's right, you need to have that cut looked at. You never know what was on that knife and it's better to be safe than sorry."

"LAPD took custody of Aubrey. They'll hold her until we can join the interrogation," Kensi informs them as she returns and Deeks once again finds himself unable to look at her for more than a few seconds at a time.

"Good. We'll finish up here while you take Deeks to get his arm checked out," Sam says.

"Guys, I do not need to go to the hospital. Give me a couple bandaids and some Neosporin and I'll be good to go."

"Deeks," Kensi starts to protest, laying a hand on his shoulder. He jerks away from her and snaps,

"I said I'm fine. Now can we just finish this so we can get the hell out of here?" He sees hurt flash in Kensi's eye before it's replaced with that damn concern again. Needing to escape, he abruptly leaves the room, taking refuge in the first room he comes across which happens to be the bathroom.

His hands shake slightly as he rests them on the edge of the shiny marble sink and faces his reflection. There's a small bruise underneath his eye that he hadn't realized was there, along with a few scratches. He also looks like he just got done screwing someone and he feels sick with guilt again.

Groaning under his breath, he lets his head slump forward. He doesn't know how to face the others, sure he'll see judgment, or pity.

"Babe." He starts at Kensi's soft, unsure voice, shuddering as she smooths her hand up his back. His arm aches in counterpoint to the gentle pressure. "What happened?" Even though there's no condemnation in her voice, he stiffens.

"Kensi, I really do not want to talk about this right now," he says, trying not to bite her head off again. Her hand stills for a moment and then she squeezes his shoulder once before she takes a step back.

"Ok," she agrees surprisingly. "I'll let you know when we're done." The implication that they will be talking about this at some point is clear. Deeks almost calls Kensi back to tell her that nothing, and way too much, had happened. But he lets her walk away instead.

In the past four hours he's broken every promise he's ever made to Kensi and to himself. He'd hurt her, he'd let another woman practically give him a hand job…what could he possibly say to explain that away? With a groan, he leans against the wall with his knees slightly bent and presses his hand over the cut on his arm. It's starting to burn more noticeably know and he feels a morbid sense of satisfaction in the pain.

* * *

A/N: Hope it was worth the wait!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks to everyone who's stuck with this story. I appreciate all your comments and support. As always, I didn't mean to take this long.

Once again, I owe mashmaiden/Phnxgirl for all her help and suggestions with whipping this chapter into shape.

* * *

Sam and Callen drop them off at the mission before heading over to LAPD. Kensi mentions something about meeting them after Deeks cleans up. He really isn't sure whether seeing Aubrey again, even from behind a two-sided window is a great idea.

He hasn't spoken to Kensi, or any of them, in the last hour. Even if he wanted to, he has no idea what to say. His never ending ability to chatter at will seems to have deserted him.

"I'm going to shower," he tells Kensi shortly, only stopping at his desk to grab his bag. Deeks can sense her looking at him from across her desk and when he glances up, her eyebrows are drawn together in concern.

He hates that he's the cause of it. A part of him wants to stop right then and there and confess everything, but he has no more idea what to say than he did two hours ago.

Half an hour later, Deeks pulls on a spare t-shirt and jeans, roughly rubbing his towel over his hair before he tosses it in the hamper. The shower helped some, but he still feels slightly defiled for lack of a better word. Maybe it's his imagination, but he swears his mouth tastes like alcohol and the waxiness of lipstick. He grabs his toothbrush from his bag, needing to get rid of the remnants of Aubrey's kisses.

His clothes from this evening are sitting in a crumpled pile at the bottom of the garbage can. Hetty can berate him for wasting government resources all she wants; if it wouldn't set off the fire alarms, he'd happily burn them.

As he stands in front of the sink, he's once again faced with his reflection. His bottom lip is swollen and the lower neck of his t-shirt reveals a small bruise on his neck. All at once, everything from the last 6 hours comes rushing back to him. He forces his eyes shut, hanging his head between his shoulders again.

"Deeks?" He starts at the sounds of Kensi's voice, stiffening as she smooths her hand up the center of his back. "We can talk about it," she offers and her voice is soft, without judgment.

"I wouldn't know where to start," he admits, shrugging. He hears Kensi sigh deeply and then she's wrapping her arms around him, her hands finding a home on his chest. She rests her head against his back. They stand like that for several minutes until he can't take the silence anymore.

"I am so sorry," he finally says, his voice hoarse. He feels Kensi shift against his back and then she murmurs,

"Baby, it's not your fault."

"Well, it's certainly not yours." His tone is acidic and he shakes his head at himself. "How do we even move on from here?" he asks.

After a moment, she eases away from him, but she keeps her hands on his waist. With a gentle nudge, she turns him around.

"For starters, we take care of this." She lifts his arm up to eye level; it was bleeding again. Not much, but enough to know that it needs attention. "One hurt at a time, right?"

With aching tenderness, she leads him over to a bench and gets out a first aid kit. With the same care, she smooths on a thin layer of ointment, her fingers careful to avoid touching the cut more than necessary. Even so, a small amount of blood smears across his skin.

"You still might need to have this cleaned out. It looks a little inflamed," she observes as she pulls out a roll of gauze and adhesive strips.

"How can you be so calm about this?" Deeks asks, shaking his head. "After…after everything that happened?" Kensi sighs deeply again, then sets the gauze to the side and gathers his palm between hers.

"Deeks, I meant it when I said this is not your fault," she repeats firmly.

"I hurt you." It's a simple statement and Kensi doesn't bother pretending she doesn't know what he's talking about.

"And I think we both can agree I've had a lot worse." He chuckles bitterly, feeling his throat tighten as he says,

"Well then I guess it's ok then. I saw your face, Kensi. Don't pretend you weren't shocked and that it didn't scare you to see me like that."

"Ok, I'll admit, in the moment it caught me by surprise, but once I was out of there, I got over it. We had a job to do, we did it just like we always do. And we both said and did things we probably shouldn't have to get it done." He winces at that, which of course she catches. "I'm talking about me. I didn't need to mention anything about Alex being like his dad. It was effective, but unnecessary."

"Kens, that's not the same thing at all," he says loudly, his frustration and disappointment with himself once again overflowing onto her. She doesn't react other than to tilt her head sympathetically. Blowing out a short breath, he mutters, "Sorry. But you have nothing to apologize for."

"Then you don't either," Kensi replies simply, stubbornly. She starts winding the bandage around his arm again and he pulls free irritably, getting to his feet without knowing where he plans to go. Undoubtedly, Kensi will follow him there too.

"You don't know everything that happened."

"Well, letting your arm get infected isn't going to fix it. This will still be between us and you will still feel guilty for things you shouldn't feel guilty for."

"I almost let her give me a hand job, Kensi!" he spits out before he can stop himself. Almost immediately he feels a sense of relief, followed by regret. Kensi flinches, but recovers quickly, blanking out whatever she's really feeling.

"Honestly, that's not as bad as what I was imagining."

"Awesome. So everything's ok as long as I don't hurt you as bad as our suspects do and I don't sleep with them. Got it."

"I didn't say it was ok," Kensi corrects him and for the first time, her voice isn't completely gentle. Deeks hears the pain and stress of the day that she's been holding back. "I didn't say I like it, but this also isn't the first time either of us have to do this kind of thing for a case."

"This was different."

"Why, because we're married now?"

"Yes! Even before that I didn't like it, but I promised to love and honor you-maybe not in those exact words-the day we got married and what happened today is not my definition of those words."

"You also promised to protect the innocent, which you did today. You kept who knows how many men from being murdered."

"But I feel terrible, Kensi," he says, his voice desperate with the need to make her understand. She reaches for him, automatically going to comfort him, but he takes a step back. Her face falls for a moment and then she invades his space, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist again.

"Then what will make it better? What will make you feel less guilty about something that I'm not blaming you for?"

"I don't know. I am so sorry. I know you say it doesn't matter, but it does to me. I can't just–"

A hesitant knock on the door interrupts him and he stiffens again, trying to compose himself. He pulls out of Kensi's arms just as Nell pokes her head through the door with an apologetic look.

"Sorry guys, but I thought you should know there's been a development," she says, pressing her lips together as her eyes bounce between Kensi and Deeks. It occurs to Deeks that she and Eric probably heard everything too.

"What do you mean 'development'?" Kensi asks.

"Riley Paulson just showed up at LAPD with a lawyer. And he's apparently willing to make a full confession if his demands are met."

"Which are?"

"No idea."

"What about Aubrey?" Deeks asks quietly.

"She claims she acted in self-defense," Nell says and Kensi makes a noise of disbelief. "But other than that, Callen says she hasn't said a word."

"Thanks Nell. Tell the guys I'll be there in a little bit." Nell nods and says,

"Will do." She eyes Deeks again, her lips compressed into a worried line.

"Deeks–"

"You should go," he tells her quietly and a spark of frustration lights in her eyes.

"Alright, but we will talk about this when I get back," she responds brushing his arm as she leaves. Acutely aware of Nell still behind him, he grabs a couple large bandages from the first aid kit. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees her reach for the door and then abruptly turn around.

"You should know, Kensi doesn't blame you. None of us do," she says into the awkward silence.

"Please, Nell, just let it go," he begs, not ready for yet another rehash of this night.

"No." He hadn't expected such a bald response, but it made sense. Nell could be incredibly straightforward and blunt when she felt the need. "I was on comms tonight and I heard everything–"

"Great," he interrupts, feeling a fresh wave of guilt and disgust. "Son of a–" he hisses as he fumbles with the thin paper covering the bandaids.

"Oh my god, just give me those," Nells says, sounding frustrated as she snatches the packets from him in a much less gentle manner than Kensi had. She pushes him down onto the bench and tears open one of the bandaids, pressing it down on his arm. "Quit feeling so sorry for yourself."

"I'm not!" Deeks protests, surprised that she would think such a thing.

"Ok, maybe that was the wrong way to phrase it," she acknowledges, pausing to raise a finger, "But, you are definitely wallowing. And sulking."

"This isn't funny, Nell."

"No, it's not. And I realize that you're struggling right now, but your current plan of action–which seems to include alienating everyone around you as much as possible–is not going to help anything. It's not going to make what you did today go away."

"Every time I think about it I feel sick to my stomach," he admits with a sigh. "All of it. Not just what happened with Aubrey but leading up to it. And Kensi's ready to just sweep it under the rug."

"Somehow I don't think she's taking it that lightly. But, she also knows that we've all done things we aren't proud of in the name of this job. Kensi's had to seduce men before."

"I just need time to process things. The last time I had to something like this, I was a much different person. I was willing to do things I can even contemplate anymore." He sits down with a sigh, giving in to the exhaustion. Nell hesitates again and then sits down next to him, leaving a foot or so between them.

"Needing time is fine. It's understandable. But I know from personal experience, that pushing the people you care about away and not sharing what's going on only makes it worse."

"Every time I talk to Kensi I feel like I'm going to end up saying the wrong thing," he admits. Nell smiles sadly at that.

"And maybe you will. But at least you'll be talking and I wholly believe that you and Kensi are strong enough to make it through this," she says. Her faith in him, in both of them, has him feeling choked up. God, he's a mess.

"Where do I go from here, Nell?" he asks.

"Maybe start by forgiving yourself," Nell suggests with a gentle smile. "And take it easy on Kensi. I know you probably think you're protecting her in your own messed up way, but she doesn't deserve this."

"I know she doesn't. I just wish it was that easy," he murmurs and Nell nudges his shoulder with her fist.

"Most importantly, talk to Kensi," she reiterates. She stands up, smoothing down her skirt with both hands. "Well, I need to get back to Beale. We've got a lot of data to analyze and you know how he gets when I'm gone too long." Deeks gives her a token grin and she smiles more genuinely in return.

"Thanks, Nell."

"Anytime," she says, leaning down to give him a hug. Deeks wraps an arm firmly around her small form, grateful for her friendship. For the first time since this all began, he feels a small glimmer of hope.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thanks to my amazing readers for all the lovely comments and support. I love reading all your thoughts and kind words.

* * *

"You sure you wanna do this?" Sam asks as he and Kensi wait for Aubrey to be brought into the interrogation room. She'd been put back in holding for the time being. Kensi ignores him, not feeling like discussing any of this yet again. "You know, you could have stayed back at the mission."

"Then I wouldn't be doing my job," Kensi replies tightly, warningly.

"So you're telling me you're not going to have any problem listening to her describe exactly what went down between her and Deeks?" Kensi bristles at the implications of Sam's question, resisting the urge to snap at him. It would only prove his point.

"Deeks already told me. Or at least enough. Besides, this isn't the first time and it probably won't be the last." She hopes Sam hears the clear request to stop talking about this. Aubrey Crews is not the problem, she never was. It doesn't mean that she wants keep rehashing the seduction repeatedly.

"Still, it's gotta be hard," Sam says, leaning against the wall with a reminiscent smile. "I remember what it was like with Michelle when I had cases like this. Especially when I was undercover with Jada. Or when Michelle had to seduce someone." Despite herself, Kensi's curiosity is sparked. Sam rarely talks about Michelle, and Jada even less.

"So how did you deal with it?" she asks and Sam smiles again. She's noticed that when he does mention Michelle, it's not quite as tainted by sadness as it once was.

"I'm not saying that it's the best way of dealing with things, but we agreed that whatever happened on the job, didn't count. We didn't ask questions and above all, we didn't blame each other." It sounds easy, and on the surface far more desirable than hashing out all the gory details, but it also sounds a lot like the kind of behavior she and Deeks have been trying to avoid. The last thing they need is to encourage hiding things from each other.

"And how did that work out for you guys?"

"Even though she never asked, Michelle always knew when I was with Jada. Or another woman," Sam explains. "And sometimes we, maybe me more so than Michelle, didn't always deal with the jealousy so well. It's hard when it's the person you love most."

"I'm not jealous," Kensi says. "It's…" She pauses, trying to put words to her thoughts. "It feels like Deeks doesn't trust me." And there it is. That's what's been bothering her so much, and now that she's finally realized it, she's furious.

"Did you tell Deeks that?"

"No. Because he keeps shutting me out and acting like I'm going to divorce him or something," she says, making a frustrated noise. Sam doesn't respond right away and when she looks at him, she could swear he's smirking at her. "What?"

"Nothing, you just remind me a lot of someone I used to know," he says, straightening up and coming to stand next to her again. "Do you really think that Deeks thinks you'd leave him?"

"No." Kensi rolls her eyes at him. "Of course not. But he definitely thinks I'm jealous, and so do the rest of you."

"Jealousy is a perfectly acceptable response, Kensi."

"But I'm not jealous. I didn't like what happened tonight, but I'm not the same woman who blamed Deeks for a fake relationship. It's unfortunately part of the job sometimes. I've grown since then and I trust Deeks. And the fact that none of you can see that is insulting," her voice grows louder as she speaks and she jabs her finger at Sam, shaking her head.

"It sounds like you two have some serious talking to do," Sam observes mildly.

"I wish we could, but every time I try Deeks pushes me away or gets defensive. He's acting like I've never seen what he's capable of doing for this job. Or like I haven't had to do questionable things either. It's infuriating!" She's practically shouting and she glances at Sam, letting out a long breath. "I'm sorry, you didn't need to hear all that." He rolls his eyes and says,

"Kensi, I've worked with you both for years. I've watched you fight over who ate the last protein bar, heard conversations that I wish I could scrub from my memory and seen more PDA's than any coworker should have to see. This is nothing."

"Still, it's unprofessional and it doesn't exactly reinforce my claim that I can 'handle it'," she says, annoyed with herself.

"Hey, what else is family for?" Sam reaches over and squeezes her shoulder and then directs his attention to the two sided window. A female officer leads Aubrey to the interrogation table, accompanied by Callen and a detective. Aubrey is thankfully dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt now and looks for all the world like she's at a spa and not currently facing murder charges.

If she hadn't seen it herself, she wouldn't believe the same woman had been kicking and spitting at Deeks just a few hours ago.

"Let the fun begin," Kensi murmurs darkly.

* * *

Three hours later, Kensi, Sam and Callen return to the mission. Sam and Callen go to debrief Hetty while Kensi grabs her bag and completes a couple reports. From the moment she'd walked in Deeks had noticed a difference in Kensi's demeanor. She's more subdued and has an exhausted set to her shoulders.

He's supposes that's fair given that it's one in the morning, but it still worries him.

"You wanna drive?" he asks her and she shakes her head.

"Riley Paulson gave a full confession with the understanding that he was solely responsible for the murders," Kensi tells him as he drives. It feels like a week had passed since this morning.

"They're not letting Aubrey go, right?" he asks, growing a little angry at the thought. Despite his strong desire to never come in contact with her again, he would march right down to LAPD and find a dozen reasons to charge her.

"Oh no. She's been charged with unlawful possession of illicit drugs, attempted manslaughter of a law enforcement officer and once the lab tests and forensics come through, I'm sure there will be several more charges. Hopefully some of them will even link her with the murders."

"Well, at least there's that." They were silent for a couple more minutes and then he asks, "Why did they do it? Did Paulson say?"

"Apparently he got sick of seeing men mistreat women on a daily basis. He said no one was doing anything about it, so he took matters into his own hands," Kensi explains with a deep sigh. "We're still piecing together exactly how Aubrey got involved."

"Maybe she felt the same way as Riley Paulson."

"Or maybe she's just a messed up woman who gets a kick out of hurting people." Something about her tone makes him sit a little straighter.

"What did she say, Kensi?" he asks quietly. Kensi chuckles bitterly.

"Oh, she was very chatty. Went into great detail about your night together."

"Kensi–"

"I don't really feel like talking anymore right now," she says quietly and his stomach drops. He drives the rest of the way home, pushing away increasingly steady waves of nausea. Kensi remains silent, looking out the passenger window. What he can see of her face is not encouraging.

She looks angry and this time it's directed at him.

"Are you hungry?"

"Not really." The silence grows between them until it's stifling. "I think I'm just going to take a shower." It's incredible how much distance a single set of stairs puts between them. How had so much gone wrong in a single night? Even though he'd been trying so hard to push her away, it suddenly occurs to him that it's the last thing he wants.

The house is way too quiet and he feels full of restless energy so he takes Monty for a walk. Monty seems to enjoy it so at least there's that.

A part of him wonders if he should go somewhere else for the night. Sam is definitely out of the question since he'd likely sit him down for a lecture. Or send him right back home. And he's not camping out at the bar because he doesn't feel like running into Callen either.

After wandering around downstairs, aimlessly putting away spare dishes and straightening up, he finally goes upstairs. He finds Kensi in the bathroom, dressed in an old t-shirt and shorts, combing her hair. She catches his eye in the mirror, but doesn't say anything. There's something cold and slightly removed in her gaze and again he feels a sinking feeling.

"Before you said you didn't feel like talking, what changed?" he asks. "Was it what Aubrey told you?" Kensi bites her lip, shaking her head.

"No, Deeks. It wasn't anything that she said. It was the realization that you don't trust me."

"What? Of course I trust you! I trust you with my life," he retorts, astounded by the accusation. Kensi turns around, anger and hurt blazing in her eyes. She jabs her hairbrush towards his chest, stopping just short of making contact.

"Sure, you trust me when there are bullets flying and–and bombs exploding all around us," she says, her voice growing louder as she continues. "But not with this. You expect me to be jealous and blame you for something that none of us had any control over. How does that equal trust?"

"It's not because I don't trust you," Deeks insists. He reaches for Kensi but she pulls back, shaking her head and brushes past him into the bedroom.

"We promised to not keep things from each other," she says with her back towards him, sounding desperate. "I understand that you weren't ready to tell me everything that happened while you were with Aubrey. Or if you never wanted to tell me anything. But I don't understand why you thought pushing me away was the right answer." She trails off, turning around with her arms crossed.

"Kensi, the way I reacted had nothing to do with you." Kensi just stares at him for a minute, then shakes her head, a certain hopelessness to the action that concerns him even more.

"You keep saying that, but you forget that everything you do affects me, even if you don't mean it to. That's what marriage means, that's what our partnership means. If you feel I can't handle what happens during cases like this now, what happens in ten or twenty years? You can't just shut me out and shut down every time something you think I won't understand happens."

"Ok, then what do you want me to do?" he asks desperately. "Whatever it is, I'll do it." Kensi sighs then, dropping her hands to her thighs as she sinks onto their bed. Deeks hesitates a moment before he closes the space between them, sitting a few inches away. He takes it as a good sign that Kensi doesn't move away.

"Babe, I don't want you to say whatever it takes. I want…I want you to be honest with me. No matter what's going on," she says. She rubs her hand over her face, reaching for his hand. "Tell me what you're thinking. Why this case is so different than the others?"

"I don't know," he answers honestly and when Kensi starts to sigh again, he hastily adds, "Not because I don't want to tell you. I mean, yeah, I'd love to never talk about this again, but I don't really know why this hit me so much harder when we've done similar things a dozen times before. Maybe it's because it's been a few years. Maybe I just didn't have my head in the game like I should." He shrugs. "All I know is I've never felt this guilty or terrible–and believe me, that's saying something."

"But that still doesn't explain why you thought it made sense to treat me the way you did," Kensi points out.

"I promised myself I would never be like my dad…and tonight I think I ticked most of the boxes. Hell, if there was a kid around I'd have probably hit them too," he says, throwing in a painful smile. Kensi ignores his purposefully harsh language, focused on something else he'd said.

"Your dad cheated on your mom?" she asks. She doesn't know why the revelation surprises her, it's hardly the worst of Gordon Brandel's sins, but it does. When he just shrugs again, Kensi she squeezes his hand, the gesture both a prompt and show of silent support.

"I don't know for sure, but I remember hearing a few arguments when I was about 8 or 9. My mom seemed to think there was another woman. And my dad was always making terrible comments about the ladies in the neighborhood. I guess I don't have any real proof, but it seems pretty likely."

"Deeks, you are not like your father," she says. She's told him dozens of times before, but there always seemed to be something that renewed the doubt in his mind. "Not in any way, shape, or form. And the way you feel right now, is just further proof of that."

"If there's any chance that I am like him, you know I don't want you around me," he murmurs. "And today, it felt like I was. So I pushed you away." Kensi leans forward, crowding in on him, forcing him to take full notice of her. Slowly, he begins to feel his resolve crack and he leans his head against hers. He notices Kensi's slight intake of breath, the way she grips his hand even harder.

"But you don't have to, Deeks. I keep telling you that." Her voice is soft, softer that it's been all night. It gives him hope. Maybe he hasn't messed things up beyond complete repair.

"I don't know how to stop–I don't know how to stop hurting you and I don't know how to stop myself from feeling like a horrible person."

Kensi is silent for several minutes before she speaks tentatively.

"I talked with Sam. About us." She glances at him apologetically. "I know I shouldn't have brought him into our personal business, but I needed to talk to someone." Which was necessary because Deeks wouldn't. His guilt notches back up a step.

"No, it's ok. What did he say?" Deeks is actually curious and if anyone has tips for dealing with relationship stuff, Sam's their best bet.

"He mentioned that he and Michelle were in a similar position. Especially with the cases that involved Jada and Sidorov," Kensi explains. "They had a sort of don't ask, don't tell policy."

"Oh." Deeks feels somewhat disappointed. That isn't nearly as helpful as he was hoping for. "I guess that makes things easier," he says and Kensi snorts.

"Sure. But it's not what I want for either of us. Pretending that it's not affecting us or that it never happened doesn't fix anything. I don't want to have any part of our relationship rely on lying or keeping things from each other. Every time we aren't honest and up front with one another, that's when we run into trouble."

Ruffling his hair, Deeks sighs in frustration.

"Well, then doesn't that leave us exactly where we started?" he asks.

"Sam also said that he and Michelle never blamed each other for what happened on the job. Or at least that they tried. And that made a lot of sense to me." When he doesn't respond for a minute, she adds, "You can tell me anything. Always."

"What if you don't like what I have to say?" Deeks asks, looking down at their linked hands.

"I'm a big girl, I think I can take it," she responds, injecting a little humor into her voice. Deeks nods; he wants to laugh, but it would be forced. Clearing her throat, Kensi straightens again, holding his gaze. "We're never going to completely agree with each other, but I promise I'm not going to get mad or blame you for whatever it is." He pulls in a big breath and blows it back out slowly.

"I don't think I can do this anymore," he sighs. He gestures between them, not needing to spell it all out. Kensi smiles and grips his hand a little tighter. "I don't like what it does to me and I can't just shake it off anymore."

"I feel the same way" she says, surprising him. Deeks just stares at her for a minute, unsure what to say. Limiting their NCIS duties has always been a point of contention between them, even at the best of times.

"You're willing to give undercover work up?" he asks, astounded. "It's a huge part of what we do."

"I mean, maybe we don't have to give it up completely. Just the ones where we have to hurt each other or seduce people to achieve a positive outcome. But the ones where we get pretend to be ridiculous newlyweds or you call me weird things like Fern?" She looks up at him a little shyly from under her eyelashes and he smiles genuinely for the first time. It feels good. "I actually enjoy those."

"I always knew you liked it when I called you 'Fern'." He knocks her shoulder with his and she rolls her eyes at him again, but he notices she doesn't lean away.

"Shut up." In direct contrast to her words, she leans her head on his shoulder and wraps her hand around his bicep.

"Hetty's not going to like it," he says and Kensi shrugs against him.

"I don't really care," she answers, looking up at him. She reaches out and runs her fingers through his hair. Before she can drop her hand, he presses it against his cheeks and sighs. "It's what's best for us. And that's what's most important right now. If someone doesn't like it, that's not our problem."

"Since we're talking about being honest here, can you promise me something?" Deeks asks, pressing his lips to her hair. "If I ever scare you, or you don't like something I do undercover, please tell me. Even if you don't realize it, that kind of thing leaves its mark and builds up over time."

Kensi turns, rising up on her knees to face him and carefully cups his jaw between her palms. She spends a minute slowly stroking his beard and the last remnants of stress leave his body. As she settles over his thighs, she presses a gentle kiss to his lips.

"You have never scared me, baby. Not really. But if that times ever comes, I will let you know. I will always be here to protect you, even if it is from yourself," she tells him, her voice filled with such conviction that tears immediately fills Deeks' eyes. It never ceases to amaze him that she has such faith in him. Clutching her against his chest, he lets out a shuddery breath and whispers,

"I love you."

"I love too." She rests her forehead against his and he holds onto her as tightly as can. Kensi kisses him as she pulls him down onto the bed with her and fiercely says, "We'll get through this, Deeks. We'll be ok. As long as we keep trusting each other."

* * *

A/N: As always, thanks to mashmaiden/Phnxgirl for her invaluable advice, suggestions and proofreading.

We should just have the epilogue to go. Thanks for reading!


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